I just got back from a lovely vacation in Florida. My Daddio and my bestie live there, and I took advantage of free room and board near the ocean. While being near water did make my heart happy, as the saying goes there is NO PLACE like home. Sheesh. Colorado, I heart you.
I took notes during my trip, because Florida truly is a different world. I totally appreciate Flaaaa for it's quirky beauty, and here are some important things I felt needed to be shared...
1. A/C is a necessity, not a privilege.
2. Floridians don't appreciate complaints about the humidity. They live there, you don't. Shut it.
3. It is impossible to NOT have the time of your freaking life when on a jet ski.
4. The trailer parks are nice. Like. Nicer than my neighborhood nice.
5. There is a color of tan exclusive to Florida. It's a shade between brick red and I-just-got-back-from-the-surface-of-the-sun brown.
6. Makeup is futile.
7. People in Florida abide by "Island Time" even though it's not a freaking island.
8. No bartender knows what a 'press' is, cocktaily speaking. (It's a blend between soda and Sprite, and it's pretty dang common in the Upper 49.)
9. However, there is live music at all hours of the day in every bar. This makes up for the 'press' fiasco.
10. Geckos are everywhere. On your screens, in your cushions, under your tables... In your BED. (Dad's are good at Gecko removal, though. *Sigh of relief*)
11. Floridians don't fear a Sharknado. Why? Because they believe that s Sharktopus is a more real, frightening threat. (Google it. You will either be amazed or ashamed.)
12. The grass in Florida is not soft... but everyone's skin is.
13. Riding in the bed of a pickup truck, on a sofa seat that has been sawed off from a bigger couch, sipping a Michelob, is a normal Thursday activity.
14. You're a bird watcher whether you want to be or not.
15. Wearing underware, as opposed to a swim suit, is over dressing.
16. After Florida, you will want a roll of paper towels on the table when you dine out. That is a Florida trend I can get behind. (I may or may not be a sloppy eater.)
17. Say goodbye to straight hair and say hello to slippery skin.
18. Hulk Hogan is a cool dude. (Please see: #5, #11, and #15.)
19. I did not see ONE other redhead the entire week I was in The Sunshine State. Coincidence? I think not.
Glad to be home.